Thank you for spending time with my blog, Reforming Rob! Welcome, and I hope you'll find some little piece of information that may help you with your toxic self-talk!
The Struggle Is Real!
I've been struggling with negative self-talk for many years. As I reflect back on most of my life, even from the time I was a little kid, I realize that I am most own worst bully! I am just so hard on myself. I know that's something I share in common with many other people, but it sure is distressing when I think about it. I consider, especially as a young kid, the super strict standards I hold myself to, and I'd like to share some ideas and experiences I've had with you.
What is my Real Value?
I had a little experience in the last couple of weeks, that I shared a little about in a previous blog post. To make a long story short, I was on a hike with my daughter, Charity. We were up on a high vista that we had climbed up to, and I just had one of those moments. I looked down across the valley and up into the mountain that we'd just climbed up and was just a little overwhelmed at the whole experience, being with my daughter doing something I love, seeing God's creation around me and feeling gratitude for Him and His love. I was conscious of how I had always been grateful for and appreciated the beauty of the wilderness. About that time, I realized that as I am looking in the mirror, I'm seeing another one of God's creations! That sure has given me pause, and I've reflected on it again and again. It has really reinforced to me that I need to get my arms around this self-talk issue, but also learn how to be good and kind to myself.
If you've read any of my previous posts or watched my videos, you know that I see myself as a religious man. It's a big part of who I am, my identity. It will probably be often that I speak of religious things, things I have learned, because they have an influence on me, and mostly a positive influence. That part of me has to come out as I commit to being as open and honest as I can on this blog.
As I've been remembering and reflecting on this experience I had with my daughter on the mountain, I have recognized the strength and the purpose and design of the command for us to love one another. This definitely includes loving ourselves! That's a huge failing of mine, and I really have my work cut out for me to change.
The Gratitude and Self-Talk Journal Is A No-Brainer!
So, how do I go about changing this voice that's been so prevelent in my life? I had the impression weeks ago, when I started down this path, that a gratitude and self-talk journal may help, and that has been a no-brainer! As I've reported in other posts, there is an accountability piece built in to having to write down each night how I've talked to myself, and really that's just irreplaceable. This practice has defintely made a difference, and if nothing else it has elevated my awareness of how full of negative, self-hatred, self-talk my days and nights are. Even before I get out of bed in the morning I've called myself lazy and stupid. In the evenings, even after writing in my journal, there is a struggle on-going.
I've been on the lookout for other solutions. What else can someone do taming their toxic self-talk? The goal here is not just to stop the bad self-talk alone, but to also introduce helpful self-talk. Loving self-talk. I want to take the mean, nasty drill instructor who screams at me all the time off of my shoulder, and replace him with a kind and loving coach.
Accentuate the Positive
One of the ideas I'm going to try, and really I'm stealing from my wife, is something she calls the "Good Things Jar". We're trying to help our kids tattle less on each other, but to seek out and look for the good in each other. Whenever one of our kids sees anyone doing something good and calls it to their attention, they get to put a spoon full of rock salt in the Good Things Jar. When the jar is filled up, my wife will reward everyone with a home-made ice cream party. So my thought is to find a way that I can do something similar with which I could have some little reward if I can change my behavior. I'm going to work on that.
Get To WORK Rob!
I've got work to do. I talk about work a lot in these posts, but the reality is that this is work. Learning how to take care of myself is taking work and effort. It's work I'm willing and able to do, because I want to change...I have to change. I have to be a better man, a stronger more capable husband and father. My children need my help to get through this crazy world we live in! I know you parents can relate.
Another point of reflection has been the definition of depression that I felt most correctly summarized my experience with it. Depression is the disease of suffering alone. There is real medicine in sharing experiences. On this road to improving my self-talk, I've got to open up to my wife and the people around me that I love and let them know what is going on and enlist their patience and help. Oh man, that's hard for me. I am a private person, and this is going to take a ton of work.
I have more work to do as I struggle to understand what is happening and ways to positively influence my changes. I've got to spend some time researching whereever I can, reaching out to the professionals of the psychological world and get their input. I need some library time! (Do people even go to the library for research anymore?) There have to be other helpful tactics that I'm not aware of that may help. I'll update how things are going through this blog and my YouTube channel.
It would be beneficial to all if you would consider sharing your own experiences with self-talk in the comments, or send me an email directly if that's more comfortable for you. "Many hands make light work." And I for one need all the help I can get!
Until next time...
PEACE!
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